'Invited to destination wedding, but not the ceremony': Surprised couple discover bride and groom omitted them from Hawaii destination wedding and reception when they're already there

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Apr 18, 2025 11:00 AM EDT

This couple is going to make a difficult choice about continuing a friendship after this destination wedding went totally wrong. 

People will really go out of their way to help their friends and family members celebrate their big day. A wedding is something people plan for years, plotting out the guest list, venue, music choices, and food options. It's not like these lovebirds plan out a wedding in a day and then forget about it: it takes a ton of time and effort! It takes even more planning when the couple is planning on hosting a destination wedding. This couple had the ultimate destination wedding: they asked their guests to go to Hawaii, a location known for being stunningly beautiful, but very expensive to get to. For people in the continental United States, just getting to Hawaii in the first place often involves flying to the West Coast, then hopping aboard a different flight to travel to the remote island. 

This couple got a nasty surprise once they arrived… it turns out that they aren't actually invited to the couple's wedding or reception! It's crazy to invite someone and not even allow them at the reception. I mean, I know some wedding venues are too small to allow every guest to be at the wedding ceremony, but receptions are often far more flexible with the amount of guests who can attend. As people in the comments strongly suggested, this couple should ditch their newly-married friends for pulling such an impolite stunt. 

Up next, read about the attention-seeking "entitled rich kid" who destroyed his own sports car's paint job by accident: "Kevin hopped in his car [and] turned it on with the sound cranked up."

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    Cheezburger Image 10495299584
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    Looking for an outside perspective on the most recent event my husband and I went to. my Context: The wedding was for husband's friend (Let's call him B). Husband and B have known each other and been friends for 10+ year, and we've subsequently known his now wife for about 5. Husband and I moved across the country, but he still regularly keeps up with B and does yearly trips / meet ups.
    via u/chronicom616
  • 03
    B invited us to his destination wedding in Hawaii. We received the invitation, RSVPd on time and for all the events noted on the website. B even invited husband to fly out 6 days early to Hawaii for the bachelor party, where he was one of 4 guys that joined.
    via u/chronicom616
  • 04
    During the bachelor party, my husband learned that we were invited to all the wedding weekend events, BUT the ceremony and reception. The ceremony and reception were smaller, but they included the majority of guests that travelled in (90% -45 out of 55) The groom explained that he didn't expect all of his extended family to make the trip, and the venue had capacity limits so they sadly could not include everyone.
    via u/chronicom616
  • 05
    The groom said he thought we were aware because of the "personalized agenda" we had access to via the registration website. Looking back, the ceremony and reception were not noted on the website, but I don't think we thought much about this because it was so far in advance when we registered, and there was questions answered about the ceremony/reception on the FAQ, and also in the emails and packing lists they sent out to all
    via u/chronicom616
  • 06
    guests in advance. The groom also never mentioned anything / clarified this invite until we arrived. I completely understand there are budget / capacity restrictions that can limit everyone attending all parts of the wedding. But I do feel really awkward and embarrassed about not knowing this in advance (did we misread the invite or expectations of the groom/bride?), and also just upset. It was a bummer and long
    via u/chronicom616
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    trip for us to travel so far and miss a beautiful part of the trip. Has this happened to anyone else?
    via u/chronicom616
  • 08
    Otherwise-Winne... That is unbelievably ride
    via u/Otherwise-Winner9643
  • 09
    justtirediguess11 I would just ignore everything related to the wedding and just enjoy the days as my personal holiday. I wouldn't even grace them with my or my husband's presence. But I am petty
    via u/justtirediguess11
  • 10
    sonny-v2-point-0 "The groom said he thought we were aware because of the "personalized agenda" we had access to via the registration website." The groom is lying. Nobody invites people to a destination wedding and expects them to scan the agenda to make sure they're actually invited to the ceremony and reception.
    via u/sonny-v2-point-0
  • 11
    Those 2 events are the wedding. They invited you to their destination wedding, uninvited you when you got there because they were too cowardly to tell you before the trip, then blamed it on you. That's unbelievably rode. "B even invited husband to fly out 6 days early to Hawaii for the bachelor party, where he was one of 4 guys that joined."
    via u/sonny-v2-point-0
  • 12
    Did your husband help cover any of the expenses for the bachelor party? That would be motivation for the groom not to be honest about the guest list. I'd drop this couple from my social circle. They're not worth your friendship.
    via u/sonny-v2-point-0
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    chronicom616 OP The groom actually covered a lot of the costs for the bachelor trip! He covered the hotel rooms, car rentals and snacks for those days. The group paid for their own meals and drinks, and their portion of activities (for example, they did an ebike tour and each person paid for their own ebike).
    via u/chronicom616
  • 14
    celticmusebooks I'd get the couple a nice book on Good Manners for their wedding gift.
    via u/celticmusebooks
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    Cheezburger Image 10495300352
    via Ganapathy Kumar on Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 16
    tortor224 Are you already there? This is honestly appalling behavior. They expect you to spend big bucks on travel and accommodations and they aren't even hosting you at the reception? Good lorddddd this is so ride I'd actually end a friendship over this and not bother attending ANY of the other events Imao
    via u/tortor224
  • 17

    Incredibly, the groom didn't reveal the big secret until 3 full days into the bachelor trip!

    chronicom616 OP replied to ilovecookiesssssssss My husband found out we were not invited to the ceremony/reception on day 3 of the bachelor party. At that point, I was just about to board my flight to Hawaii. We did see if we could change our flight home to to be a day earlier, but the cancellation on hotels and costs to change flights
    via u/chronicom616
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    would have been more expensive than just saying. So we just accepted this would be more of a vacation than wedding trip? Which we were cool with and it turned out fine, because we both have never been to Hawaii.
    via u/chronicom616
  • 19
    My husband and I are also both pretty anti conflict, so he didn't say anything but that he was bummed to miss that part of the weekend, but excited to celebrate the couple at the rest of the events. We did go to all the other events (he attended all days of the bachelor party,
    via u/chronicom616
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    their arrival happy hour, a hike with everyone, and the Chinese banquet the night before the ceremony / wedding). At this point, I think we also assumed it was mostly just family going to the actual ceremony and that we would
    via u/chronicom616
  • 21
    be able to hang out with the friend group until the after party. We did not realize that we were one of the few folks not invited to attend the ceremony/wedding.
    via u/chronicom616

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bride marriage groom destination wedding ceremony wedding ceremony wedding Hawaii family dress weddings
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